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• Hey eveybody I just decided to join this today. Have never used anything Like this before so I will just break down my story. I have been gambling for 10 years on and off since I was 18, as soon as I became legal to enter the casino in my city. I am 28 now. My gambling is on and off. I had stopped for about 6 years and when my ex gf and I took a trip to Las Vegas in 2014 it came out again. I knew going there was a bad idea but i went anyways, I left her in the hotel one day and gambled all day and all night long , maxed out a 5000$ credit card and didn’t even have money to pay for my baggage on the way back, back in 2014 5000$ was a lot of money to me And I was devistated as it put me in credit card debt. she was super ashamed and worried of me and saw I had a problem. When I got back to my city I went right back to the casino and started Gambling more all week, I had lost another 4-5000$ and when I went into work my manager saw I was distraught , she asked what’s wrong and I opened up to her. She and I went to the casino that day and banned myself for 5 years. Self ban until year 2020. I felt relieved yet still ashamed and self hatred as I was in a bunch of debt. Fast forward to 2017 my ex and I went to Las Vegas again for our anniversary and I had been gamble free for nearly 3 years. It came out of me again there but It wasn’t in large amounts tis time, won 700$ first day, lost it all the third day plus a few hundred of my Own. Still felt that feeling of pain of a loss i guess because it had been years since gambling. So I get back to my city and of course I can’t gamlbe here because I am banned. Fast forward to 2018 my gf and I break up and I blow through 40k of savings I have worked so hard to save not from gambling but I travel and go party as a single guy now after 5 years and start thinking I’m a millionaire because I have some savings. I take nearly a year off and now I have a beard, so I think maybe they won’t recognize me. Surely i try my luck and I get in, I win 1000$ and I stop for a couple of weeks. Then the worst things happens, my friend invites Me to vegas for labour day weekend. I tell myself don’t go you will gamble there but I go Anyways. first night I break even , second night I win 3500, lose it all the same night, third day I go in a hole lose around 5000, fourth and last day I win 10k, super happy I have to catch my flight in a few hours have 10k in my pocket My trip is payed for and I have some priofits, my friend says let me hold your money you will go lose it i know it. I don’t listen to him and I go lose the 10k in 30 minutes of roulette, feel like complete scum again. So I get back home what do I do I go to the casino which I am banned from, and it spiral out of control, they don’t recognize me with my beard, I start going everyday. Skippping class to gamble, stop working out, lying to family and friends . I became numb to it. I used to get upset When I lost 500$, and fast forward to playing 500-1000$ hands of blackjack or spins of roulette. So I would go in and win 1000-5000$ per trip, then I would lose that much the next day or more , I was going up, down, down. Up. The wins kept me going back. So I tracked all of my gains and losses. One day I lost 15000 and I was devistated, I was gambling with my line of credit. I had to keep chasing and I got it down to -5000 a couple times, and then I stopped for 2 weeks. My sister and family was really proud of me. After 2 weeks I got the urge again and I went one night and won 1200$, I left because I said I don’t wanna feel that feeling of giving it all back. I went back couple days later and won 1500, again I left and went next day won 1600, then again 2 days later won 5000$. I was on cloud 9. I finally got back that 15000$ loss with a bit of profit, and I was so proud I told myself you did It. You got it back ! Now don’t go again , use this as a lesson that you got your money back, have savings again and not a lot of people are able to get back a loss. So few days go by until Saturday night i get off work and I have the urge to go back. Tell myself have a bankroll management , you’ve done well this week . Take a bit if profits once you’re up. Well.. you all know what happens next, I never went up. I lost 6000 in less than 30 minutes, waited until midnight till I caj withdraw more . Took another 2000 climbed back up to 4000 so minus 2500’on the day, should have walked. Got greedy lost it all so 8000 on the day. In less than one hour. Walked out so ashamed as always self hate beating myself up how can I do this. I had gotten my loss back and was so proud and I gave it all back again. Of course woke up in the am took another 1000$ and climbed up a bit just to lose it all. Finally went up to the front of the casino I had enough I told the guy listen I am banned right now and I’ve won and lost over 50k this month I need you guys to re take pics of me within my beard because I am supposed to be banned right now. They did. I feel now a weights lifted off my shoulders but I am so ashamed how bad it got, how much money I’ve won and lost, how I will never see the $ again and how hard it will be to save all what I’ve lost working. I became numb. Insensitive . I wasnt even excited when I was winning anymore , the value of a dollar was gone. 1000$ hands of blackjack , like I was a millionaire. I am now starting from scratch financially but all I can think is at least I am not in debt. But still really hard to swallow what ive done this past month . My family is devistateD, my friends don’t understand my addiction . I guess I just needed to get my story off my chest. With hopes there is others who can relate to this. Maybe I needed to lose it all and re ban myself , because if I had kept winning, I would have kept gambling. And know I would just give it all back eventually. 🙁 thanks for listening.

  -Stephen

  Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

  Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

  Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

  As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

  And on that note….

  I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

  Take care

  The Gambling Therapy Team

  PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

  Gambling is a hidden illness like no other addiction!!! Having read your life story of compulsive gambling, I understand you & feel for you!!! Word by Word of your writing was painful to read, but I am on the same track as you. I really really wish if the world had no gambling issues!!! because Nobody can understand it unless they are made to gamble all their own money within hours!!!

  While we are all suffering, the gambling venues, bookies, online platforms are becoming wealthy and taking exotic holidays from the gambling funds earned via the most vulnerable people. This is my Day 1 & I have decided I can no longer gamble or else I may die in a painful death…. Who cares? apart from compulsive gamblers, Nobody will give a flying bat! The future for compulsive gamblers is very very dark

  Hey man I’m new to here too just posted the other day. I have huge swings like u mentioned but when I win big I never leave. I was up 30k one night off $500 and freaking gave it all back! I just got peeled the other night for 10gs. So I definitely feel your pain. The best thing I can say is it’s good you banned yourself and also the fact your 28 and want to stop now. I’m 36 and have been like this since 19 I just have a good job to luckily support it. If you stop now you will have plenty of time to rebound, I have been to negative and dug out many times. Keep your head up and thanks for posting and know your not the only one that does crazy bets and doesn’t walk.

  PLEASE do not gamble online. In March 2015, a member here mentioned, innocently, that “a £4 online bet “won” a 4 figure sum” I’m a seasoned casino gambler. Had no idea how to “play” online but I thought “I could do that ” and lost a very large sum of money in a short time. I thought my 15 year habit of gambling/losing (a 6 figure sum) in land based casinos was bad but that experience almost destroyed me. What saved me? Three members here on GT really came to my rescue. One suggested I should “make a plan” and start saving. I stuck to that plan. Saved all my money back. Plus a bit extra, then last April , after 27 G free months, the effluent hit the air conditioning and I have been withdrawing money to gamble in the casino. I would NEVER try my luck online again. It wiped me out. Take a fool’s advice and put a blocker on your devices before the second thought enters your mind. You have enough on your plate without adding to the misery. As I write, I am gazing at 2 bills -large ones, and saying “Why did I need to bring all this stress back into my life” MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE to gamble, Murr. It will ruin you.

  Hi Murr 4 days is brilliant keep taking it one day at a time, Vera has given you some great advice , take heed she is a good person who will always give good advice, keep focused on your exams and most of all look after yourself. 🙂

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